so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
