By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
