Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
