Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
