she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just invented taco cereal.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Still dying that you shit outside
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
