is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
