Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
