I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
