Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
