evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize