D3 body, D1 cock
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
