Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
pop tarts are not kleenex
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
