The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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