I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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