I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
