Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
