you have to choose: penises or morals?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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