dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
