it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
