My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
