im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
