i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize