I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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