Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
