The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
