Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
