I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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