sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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