just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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