My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
