I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
