Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
