How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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