if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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