This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
