I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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