I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Mom said you looked used
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
