3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
