Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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