Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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