i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
