I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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