If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
