We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
