I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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