you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
