Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's always time for handjobs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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