you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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