I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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