I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
