I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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