Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
