I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
