i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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