i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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