I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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