After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
