you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
