don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
