Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
