the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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