Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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