just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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