is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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