Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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