He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
