I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize