Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
