He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
