Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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