so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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