I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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