Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
